


Rawr

by NinjaFairy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, F/M, I promise, Pure Crack, Time Turner AU, because this is a my immortal spoof, have you read the my immortal fic???, it's funny, snort and enjoy, this is supposed to be bad, well buckle your seatbelts kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2019-09-05 06:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16805731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaFairy/pseuds/NinjaFairy
Summary: A Tomione time-turner story in which it's written from Tom's perspective in the style of My Immortal. The summary is also the trigger warning. Brace yourselves.





	1. Chapter One

**Real A/N:** God bless the anon on Tumblr for sending me this prompt: _concept: tomione time travel fic but with Tom's POV and written in the style of My Immortal._ I'd give some sort of trigger warning, but just mentioning 'My Immortal' is trigger warning enough. Brace yourselves.

This story is written in the style of My Immortal, the famous, horrendously bad HP fanfic circa the early 2000s. THIS IS **SUPPOSED** TO BE BAD. THIS IS **SUPPOSED** TO BE FUNNY. IT IS A CRACK FIC. I know I have never written a comedy before, but trust me...it's probably the funniest shit you will read in a while. I couldn't breathe while writing this, because I was laughing so god damn hard.

**In no way is this fic supposed to be taken seriously. If this is the first story you have ever read by me, my other stories are _nothing_ like this. This was written to make people laugh. I LOVE YOU!**

* * *

**AN:** omg r u lyke, a prep or sumfink!?1 i mean like, u asked me so here u go i guess. MCR 4EVAAAAAA!1! They RoXxOrS my SoXxOrS! (get it, coz im goffik lolz)

* * *

**Chapter One**

Hi my name is Tom Riddle and i have luxurious dark hair the color of ebony (black like my soul, get it). I am in seventh year and I am seventeen years old. I am six feet one inch tall and my eyes are this dark grey color, like the perfect rainy day at a funeral. Everyone thinks that I'm this perfect PREP but really I am filled with self-loathing RAGE because i am DEAD on the inside, like Helena from that My Chemical Romance music video (and if you don't know who that is, then get out of here and don't let the door hit u on the way out!). So yeah, I guess you would say that I'm a GOTH, not a PREP (get it str8), but you know how society is. whatever. If you call me a prep, I will put my middle fingers up in the air in ur general direction.

"Hey Tom, did you just see that chick get sorted into Gryffindor in the middle of the school year?" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was Abraxas Malfoy talking to me.

"No." I said. I continued eating my breakfast because my name is Tom Riddle and I don't give a fuXxOrs.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

The next day I woke up in my room. It is raining outside again, but it is cool because it sets the gothic tone. My bed is green and silver trimmed silk because I am in Slytherin (ULTIMATE GOTH HOUSE). I get dressed for class and go to Potions. All the girls and even some of the guys ooo'd and aaah'd when I walked into class, because I'm amazing and everyone loves me even though i am secretly a little goth shithead. I sit down next to Abraxas.

"Do you see the chick?" He asked me.

"What chick?" I asked.

"That chick." Abraxas said and pointed at this ugly girl with ugly hair. She sat perfectly straight in her chair and she wore her uniform the right way.

"Ugh. she looks like a total prep," I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

Professor Slughorn asked a really hard question and of course I knew the answer because I am seriously the smartest one in this entire school, so I went to raise my hand and

"The answer is Amortentia," the ugly prep girl answered before I could.

Ugh. What a POSER.

"Wow, I think I'm going to ask her to go with me to the Hawthorne Heights concert in hogsmeade with me this weekend," Abraxas told me.

"oh, cut my wrists and black my eyes to ur _bullshit_ , Abraxas. she's a total poser," I tell him. I look back at the ugly girl and I feel jealous, but i'm like…that literally doesn't even make _sense_ because she's a total prepperz.

She glares at me and I glare back. betch.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Her name is Hermione Granger and I like how her last name sounds on my tongue, because it rhymes with _Danger_. okay so I guess it doesn't totally rhyme with Danger but shut up! it's close enough. god. preps.

I get ready for the Hawthorne Heights concert, even though I wasn't invited. I pull on my favorite black skinny jeans that are ripped at the knees, my skull hoodie, put in my snake bite piercings, and pull on my combat boots. Abraxas is straightening his hair in the bathroom and it smells like sulfur.

"oh my god, Tom. you need to try out this new guyliner I got from Hot Topic." Abraxas said.

"What color is it?" I ask.

"Suffering in Solitude." he answered.

"Ugh. Fine." I roll my eyes. "But I already suffer enough."

Abraxas says he has to pick up _Hermione_ , so we go wait outside Gryffindor tower for her to come out. She comes out and she's wearing black skinny jeans too and a tshirt that says 'you laugh because i'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same'. She straightened her hair and put purple streaks in her hair. She has raccoon eyes and it's kinda hot.

"Wanna make out?" I ask her.

She glares and me and i glare at her and we glare at each other but there is something magnetic there, you know. we're two emo goths filled with angst and our angst is magnetic and depressing. she is the south pole of the magnet and I am the north pole. wait, are those the sides that push away from each other or the ones that stick together? Was it north and north and south and south? whatever, we don't use magnets at hogwarts so who gives a flying fuck. you get what I'm saying here. there is a magnetic connection between us and it's dangerous, because we are dangerous.

So we make out in front of Abraxas and he runs away crying. Quick, somebody call the whambulance.

I take his ticket and we go to the Hawthorne Heights concert and we're the coolest goths there. the gothiest. no preps allowed. Full of angst. Depression. Lots of blood, but not real blood, because gross.

"I hate you," Hermione tells me.

"I hate you, too." I tell her.

I put my thingie into her hoo-ha and we both have an orgasm at the same exact time and we live angstily ever after.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi, i'm drunk.

**a/n:** omg guyz!!!!!!1 heres chappie 4 FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no FLAMEZ or HATERS alowed.

After I finished sticking my thingie into her hoo ha, I took out my wand (ugh not THAT wand, u sickos, jesus CHRIST on a cracker, didn’t u get enough cock in the last chapter???) and cast a spell to put my clothes back on. Hermione was still laying there naked and looking up at me.

“where are you going?” she asked.

she made my heart do that stupid thing that hearts do. you know….when it goes bump bump bump bump, like the drum solo in ‘the ghost of you’ by MCR. ugh, so effing gothic and tragic and beautiful, like me.

I turned my face away from her, because I couldn’t let her see how vulnerable a goth like me could really be. I could never be vulnerable. I could never get close to anyone. I promised myself. **NOT. EVER. AGAAAIN!!!!!!**

I looked stoically up toward Hogwarts and coldly said, “None ya bizzzznis, bitch.” and walked away.


End file.
